i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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