Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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