I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize