Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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