Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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