alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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