Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
