every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
