and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
