she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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