Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
