one two three fourrrrnication!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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