The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
