Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
