She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
