3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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