You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
