Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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