Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
