I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
