You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
