my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
