Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
