Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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