First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
