just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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