Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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