Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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