Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
a search helicopter?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize