so explain again why im purple
no
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize