He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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