my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
