why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
