I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's never too late to be topless.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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