I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
