I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize