Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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