Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
