I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
