what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
