he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
