he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
