And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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