And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
