So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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