I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
