i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
