How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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