My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
