apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
