oh god the rape fog is back!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
