there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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