failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
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