This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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