He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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