I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
