im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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