i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
