Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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