The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
