I want to make a zoo with you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
