After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
