After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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