i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
