You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
