well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Barsexuality is the new black.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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