I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
