Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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