Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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