how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
