She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
