Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
