I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
