My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize