No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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