No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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