community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
