I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
