And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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